- that's it!
jal, ok?
No repeats. Don't get ahead.
No. Mezzo.
Fucking mezzo for fuck's sake!
Jesus christ, kevin! Lose the sodding chewing gum, you twat!
Trumpets, fucking keep up!
Kevin, oi!
Shit, wank! You useless frigging tosser. See me after!
Now accelerando!
Fucking accelerando! Oh, bollocks. Bollocks.
Let's try the concerto now.
It's such a lovely competition piece.
- Do you think you can handle it?
- Dunno.
You'll win if you can pull it off.
Hand me the piano part.
- Erm, claire? - Oh, hi, doug.
- Can I have a word? - Sure. What's up?
Erm... We've had a couple of complaints about the orchestra.
The brass section is a little rough but gershwin's deceptively difficult.
No, no, no. It's more of a... A language problem with...
..Well, with the swearing.
I was listening outside and there was quite a bit of swearing.
Oh. Well, I'll have a word with them, ok?
It's just... Yes.
- No problem. - Fine. Thanks.
You know jal? Our young musician of the year finalist.
No, I... Well done!
- And you'll sort out the swearing?
- I'll get to the bottom of it.
Yes. Thank you.
Ok, let's try the allegro.
Ok. And one, two, three, one, two.
Yes, and hold it. Hold the phrase.
Yeah! Fuck my donkey that's good!
day 97 and majika isn't happy at how kinky treated her
So she gets together with jakelia, bubbins and tibo to talk.
- she is such a bitch. - total bitch.
bitch. Check out those tits.
My god, she's such a liar.
slag. She had them done.
what I'd like to do to that whore. I'd like to...
And then I'm gonna steal her thong and then I'm gonna...
- michelle? - mm?
- Do you have to do that? - What?
Suck tony's face off in public all the time.
She loves me. Yeah, babe?
Yeah.
We're supposed to be going shopping.
I'm gonna hump you silly.
We... We're just gonna, erm, nip upstairs.
I need to go shopping.
What for?
A dress for jal's music competition.
This won't take long.
Jesus. Are they gonna...
fuck this!
Hi.
Is, er, tony in?
pretty much.
Oh. I'll just, er, wait.
You know, hang out.
Is that all you do, sid? Hang out with tony?
Pretty much.
And michelle.
Yeah. Michelle.
Come on. Going shopping.
- I don't shop. - Shut up!
You'll have to do.
I'll have to do?
Fucking hell.
- In here. - what?
Jesus. Come on!
Get this.
Looks nice, yeah.
No, it fucking doesn't. I can't breathe properly. Look.
Oh.
How am I supposed to play clarinet in a fucking dress?
Zip.
Just wear normal stuff, yeah?
It's the young musician of the year.
In, er, where? Bedminster?
In britain. I've gotta fix up.
Zip.
It's in your arse, jal.
Christ sakes! Are you gonna to help me here or not?
Won't move.
ah!
What's wrong with you? Come on!
Oh, god!
oh, christ. Let me get a hold of it.
Hurry.
Oh, that's it.
She, er, didn't like it. Too small.
Yes.
You're disgusting.
It's lynx.
Whoa.
It's not right.
It's fine. It's just a dress.
You really know how to talk to a girl, sid.
- Do I? - No.
Oh.
When are you gonna stop moping over michelle?
what?
She's your best friend's girlfriend, sid, and it's a little bit weird.
How's this gonna happen?
Erm... Well, ok, right.
We're out, yeah? And she is drunk. You know, totally mentalled,
And mistakes me for tony in the dark, right?
And her hands are everywhere...
Everywhere. All over my body.
And she goes crazy when she realises my tongue's double-jointed.
But by then it's too late and we go at it like animals until...
for fuck's sake!
Don't ask if you don't want to know.
I want a cookie.
Double super-choc sprinkle surprise please.
- What?
- There's more to life than sex, eh?
You and me both.
Huh?
It's not like you're getting any either.
You've got young musician of the year,
I've got chocolate chip cookies.
Deal with it.
♪ don't push me cos this shit just won't stand
♪ I spit some shit you won't believe
♪ the opposite of bland
- ♪ and you won't understand...
Hey, buttas! Why you messin' my flow? You get me?
I'm trying to do some fucking practice.
Who stopping you, moot-bag?
This is big brother business, know what I'm sayin'?
And what I'm saying is shut the fuck up, ok?
Raas! Duck out, waste gash.
You come in 'ere chattin' wet on our tune.
Ah!
What did you do that for?
Ah! She did it again!
Don't be calling our sister no waste gash, nigga.
Sorry.
Yo, jal. We got some serious bars goin' down.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out! Drop a beat, don.
Yeah, man, but everyone's hittin' me an' ting.
Drop a beat, don.
It's all blessed. Chill, innit?
Yeah, man. Yeah. Blood. Do you want me to rep my ends?
- Yeah, rep-it, rep-it, rep-it! - Check it out, sis.
Make some noise, milky man! Check it!
♪ don't be comin' in my face talking 'bout feminism
♪ I'll put you in your place with my blatant sexism
♪ take my hench piece out of my larder
♪ cos to me no means yes and yes means...
♪ harder! Cha! Cha!
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ where my ladies at?
♪ tupac and biggie, rip
♪ tupac and biggie got more money than me
♪ even though they're dead
yo, yo, yo! Ya, ya, ya!
Hi, jayvon. Where's the boss?
Nice dress.
No, I like it. It's... It's brown.
Oh. Thanks, jayvon. And it's green.
Is it? You sure?
Fuck it. I dunno.
check this out. I put on the music.
- I'm playing some marvin gaye...
- Dad? Dad.
- I said, "you don't know marvin?"
Jal. What's happening?
Hey, it's the blessed child.
Cos my brothers are banging out dumb hip-hop.
- Boys need practice, too.
- Them boys need plenty practice.
For sure, cos those pussies are bad. And I mean fucking bad.
They're doing their ting. We didn't sound so cool way back when.
Yeah, but we had tune. And you had talent.
Maybe you lost it?
Ooh! You hear that? Maybe you lost it.
Ronny, I don't think you introduced me.
No? Erm, yeah.
- Jal, this is alicia. - Hi.
I'm so excited. Your dad's gonna remix one of my tracks for me.
Yeah? Has he shown you his special slider yet?
No, not yet.
I've got my competition on Saturday, not that you care.
Rooty tooty music. Maybe you like dancin' for whitey.
If you say so, dad. Nice to meet you.
oh, shite!
She get you man. She get you good.
What? What's wrong?
She got some serious attitude.
And looking more like her mum every day.
- Ain't that the truth. - Two time.
- So this girl got a sister?
- Yeah, she got a sister but, boy...
- Chelle? - Did you get a dress?
Yeah. No, I bought one.
What colour is it?
- Green. - Is it nice?
- Fucking horrible of course. - Sorry.
You don't sound very sorry.
- Oh, stop it! Fuck's sake! - What's that noise?
- You know, he's just hanging out.
Yeah. Ring me back when you aren't actually being penetrated, ok?
Jesus!
It's just you and me.
Fuck! Fuck!
- Wow, ronny. That is so genius! - Yeah, babe.
Here's my best bit!
♪ in my dreams you're not what you seem
♪ pour sweet cream on my strawberries
♪ yeah, oh, yeah
♪ ooh
Needs work.
Ah!
I hear you guys are musicians, too.
- what she spitting? - Raas, breader. Dat's bait.
She ain't even that buff.
Erm, jal. I thought maybe I could use your flute on one of my tracks.
Where you going, sister. I ain't no choong.
You get me, blood?
- Ah! - Watch your lip. You, too.
They're messing with you, sweetness.
Oh, right, well... That's kicking then.
You got places to go?
She's sitting in my mother's seat, man!
Oh. I'm sorry.
Move. We're working.
- What happened to her? - She didn't like my sound.
come on, keep up.
Be fucking natural! Jesus christ, come on!
Yes!
Yo! Mezzo forte.
Mezzo for fuck sakes!
Ok. Ok.
Nice!
Yes. The director wants to see jal here. Straight away, please.
Right there. Off you go.
Doug?
I love you.
come in.
Ah, yes. Come in, er, jal.
- Jalander? - Jal is fine.
Ok.
Doug. You alright?
Little bit hot in here.
Is it?
Anyway, erm, jal.
We're just delighted that we've produced such a talented pupil.
Right. It was claire really.
So, we'd like you to do a couple of interviews.
We want to celebrate this amazing achievement
- For a girl of your background. - Pardon?
And, er, I've prepared a checklist of ways in which we've helped you
To overcome your handicaps.
A sort of aide memoir, so to speak.
Sorry, handicaps?
And when you talk to the television,
I'd like you to mention the college's upcoming bid
For "working towards sustaining excellence"
Under the "everything's getting better" initiative.
It's all terribly important.
It's for people like you. Ok, jal?
so, you've got the evening post at three.
Then this morning with bubbly fern britton at half past,
Followed by blue peter.
- Then channel 4. They're ironic, ok?
Finally, we don't like people to get disappointed.
In what?
The competition.
We don't like disappointment, do we, doug?
So I've prepared a checklist of things to think when you lose.
As long as you've done your best, that's the main thing.
Thanks for the advice.
Right. Let's go for it.
Go, jal! Kick it! Let's rock!
Inspirational. That's what we're all about.
so if you win, will we see you in the charts?
right. And your family, they must be very proud of you.
- No. - Er... Are they musical, too?
erm, right. Erm... Have you decided what you're gonna wear?
No.
ok, and, er...
You don't exactly put out, do you, girl?
What?
Do you have to be so fucking sulky all the time?
I'm not.
so, tell me about the clarinet. It's a kind of flute isn't it?
No. It's a single reed woodwind instrument.
If I was on the telly, I'd make an effort. Look at you.
Will you take a lucky mascot on stage?
- No. - Well, lots of luck with that.
And this...
I mean, fucking hell. Why?
Well, I dunno. It fitted.
- How much? - 14 quid.
for fuck's sake. It's brown.
It's not. It's green.
I suit green.
- I paid good money for that. - You did not.
Jesus, I can't wear that stuff.
Shut up. You, girl, need to learn a few tricks.
Like what?
Like looking good. It's what I do.
- That isn't all you do. - Yeah, it is.
You play the clarinet and I look shaggable.
It's talent, girl. Pure talent.
Now, come on. Off.
Sorry, mate. Record company showcase. Over 21's tonight.
Well, I'm 21. We're all 21. Aren't we, lads?
- Definitely. - Yeah, he's an old one, he is.
- Id? - There you go. Check it out.
I know. Takes years off me.
But, er, I had to cut it off it
Cos kept getting caught in the girlfriend's piercing.
- Anyway, shall we go in? - Yep, might as well.
Fuck off before I stick this so far up your arse,
Your teeth come out your eyeballs. Alright?
Ok.
Look, I just don't want to disappoint my colleague, dr makabi.
He's visiting from senegal.
Katinga.
Gotta warn you, he's got some serious voodoo shit going on.
- You mean like this? - Fuck, man!
Yeah. Like that. Bit more subtle.
Fuck off.
Fuck it, we're out. We're out. Out of here, man.
It's alright, danny. They can come in with me.
whoa.
Jal? Is that you in there?
My dad'll put them on the guest list, ok?
Cheers, bruv.
♪ push it real good
For christ's sake, stop looking at them.
Er, sorry, jal. They're a bit... Well, they're out, aren't they?
You're gay, for christ sakes.
Yeah.
And you're supposed to respect women's bodies, muslim boy.
I'm respecting.
Believe me, I'm respecting.
Are those... I mean, what's keeping it all up?
Is that...
Don't touch.
But I want to touch. Honestly, I will die if I don't touch.
So, who's buying us a drink?
- I will. - It's on me.
- I'll get a pitcher. - I'll buy you both a drink.
I'm going for a wee.
Nice work.
And I look...
Yeah, yeah. Cool.
I'll catch you later, yeah?
they are fine!
I don't know where she's been hiding them.
yeah, but honestly...
- Nice. Miss obu? - Huh?
The dress. It's miss obu. I love that cut.
Oh. Thanks.
Can I get you a drink?
Erm, I think my friends are.
Oh, no problem. Maybe in a while.
You look lovely.
Oh. Cool.
What is he doing with the posh bitch?
Talking.
What, like we're talking?
I dunno, michelle.
Yeah, we're talking.
Just talking.
I know you fancy me.
Oh, christ.
I love you, sid.
- But more like a... - Please.
..Brother-sister thing.
Oh, fuck.
One for luck.
Yeah. Yeah.
We could be like a welsh brother and sister.
You know, locked up in the farmhouse
With nothing but the sheep and our abusive father. Yeah.
Yeah?
Funny, sid.
hi.
Oh, hi.
Erm, wow, hi. I got you a pint.
Great.
Cheers. I need to be drunk.
Oh. Fine. Wow, it's nothing.
- I said, let me hear some noise!
Yo! My bredrin's comin' to waste you up, yeah?
The biggest mandem on road, don't get it twisted!
Big it up for my boys.
Blood! Roots! Ace man and lynton!
♪ pump your gash
♪ want some cash!
♪ volkswagen polo!
I can't hear. I can't hear you, man.
Your microphone ain't working.
♪ yeah...
Your mic's not...
Man, your mic's not on.
Look, there he is! There's fazer.
fazer! Fazer! Fazer!
It ain't happening, man.
You know he's not gonna come. So let's go, yeah?
somebody scream!
Seen michelle?
Went home with tony.
What are you doing?
Comforting you.
What about?
Come on. Forget her, sid.
is there anybody that doesn't know
- That I've got a thing for michelle?
- No.
How comforting are you feeling?
- You know I love you, sid, but...
- Oh, don't you fucking start.
Jesus!
Hey. You said I could buy you a drink.
Yeah, but my mate's just opened a club up the road.
It's a nice place. You wanna join me?
I don't think so.
Come on. It's such a pretty dress. Shame to waste it.
Bring your friend for a drink, then I'll get you a cab. Promise.
Sid?
Ok. Sure. Why not?
- Yeah. Let's get out of this place.
- Yeah.
- So, what's your name? - Jal. Jalander.
Cool name. It's a cool name. And what do you do, jalander?
I play the clarinet.
- Oh, yeah? You any good? - I'm fucking good.
Let's get a taxi, yeah?
- Jal? - Huh?
- what the fuck... - Hello, sidney.
- let go! - Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shut up.
My associate william here, he's been following you.
I mean, let's face it. You owe me a lotta lotta money.
It's the principle, isn't it?
Isn't it?
I give you spliff on easy credit and you don't pay me.
In fact, you actively don't pay me.
So now... Now we're down to consequences.
- Leave him alone! - Shut up. Shut up!
I take credit cards.
I'll take them now.
Thank you.
yours an' all.
- I don't have one.
Oh. Well, what do you have?
Ah, yeah. Goods of value.
Listen, have everything in my account, yeah?
Hey, smart arse.
Give me your pin now.
3746.
Well, thank you very much.
Oh, yeah, look at that.
Now that...
..Is a mighty fine body.
- Please, I need that. - I know, I know.
But if there are no funds in young sidney's coffers,
Or if sidney has made the schoolboy error of giving me...
..The wrong number...
..Then you need to understand
How dreadfully upset that is gonna make me.
Hey, that's just the kind of guy that I am.
- You fucking bastards! I'll get you!
- Don't!
- You bastards! - You tolling on our sis?
no! No!
It's not him!
He's helping me, you twats!
- God, they smashed my clarinet. - What?
Them!
We go and get them good, sis!
Oh, god, they smashed my clarinet.
Donald's not your brother, right?
No.
Just checking.
really, are you alright?
I'm sorry, claire. I should never have been carrying it.
- As long as you're alright. - Yeah.
- Just stop beating yourself up, ok?
- Yeah.
- So you'll ring them? - Yes, I'll ring them tomorrow.
Ok.
- Right. Get some rest. - Thanks.
Don't worry about it.
I'll phone you later. We'll work something out.
- alright. Thanks, clair. - Alright, bye.
Poor girl. It wasn't insured.
We'll try, but it wasn't just any clarinet. It cost thousands.
Oh, dear. But later, yeah?
Yeah. Later.
I'll make some phone calls. Maybe we can borrow one...
Oh, holy shit!
Take me, you fucking welsh stud monkey!
we caught those blood claat scum easy, man. Easy.
we go to jack them, real chief 'em up.
And then that's when they got all hong kong phooey.
They waste us.
Waste us, man. With sticks!
Make us look like, well, chi-chi men and ting.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean you to do that.
Ah, it's nothing, sis.
Nothing at all.
We got couple of licks on them still.
Thank you.
Is there anything I can do?
I'd... Like lips from michelle.
Huh?
He wants a kiss.
Hey, me, too.
Me... Me, too.
Please. Please.
Hey, boy. How you feeling?
Yeah. I know you took a beating.
Your sister's grateful.
I know it.
You did good.
Yeah. I'll come down again in a hour.
I love you, too.
I love you all. Even that 'tupid white boy.
♪ I'm inspired, I'm offline
♪ a renegade, disturbing the peace
♪ while I'm spitting the serenade
♪ all this tension, miscomprehension
♪ I'm informed and on the level
♪ that when I scream it's just passion
♪ I ain't angry at culture I ain't angry at fashion
♪ and I might sound spiteful if I feel shit's epidemic
♪ I admit that some is soul but some is academic
♪ I been doing this forever so why you choosing now?
♪ turning your face away is a punch in the gut, pow
♪ so swing a rhyme of time like the dove sing of love
♪ and keep your peace, cos I got kin
♪ I got skin to think of
Why you listening to me, girl?
Don't you talk to me through glass!
Nobody supposed to come in here.
Why don't you ask me how I am, dad? I got beat on.
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault I look like her.
She's gone. Deal with it. We have.
- Ah, girl... - You're wasting it.
Wasting what you've got.
Don't blame me.
Don't be coming in my places, girl.
Your room is a tip. Tidy it!
- What? - Tidy it!
Ok?
Slow through the adagio. Slow.
Or I'll paddle your mother-fucking ass.
theatre, stand by. They're ready for you on stage.
Whoa. Watch what you're fucking doing, pal.
Get in man. Get in.
Get your fucking hands off!
Oi!